i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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