You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
