Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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