I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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