New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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