No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
