u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
