Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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