Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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