A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
