I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
