You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
