sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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