if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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