ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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