cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
