I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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