Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
