I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
