I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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