I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
