I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
