Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
