I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
