I smell stomach acid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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