she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
