Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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