Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
