if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize