Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Michael Bay diarrhea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
