I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
