whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
