alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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