turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
