Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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