Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
