you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
