I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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