Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
