BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
