Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am one with the molecules
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
