Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
