what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
