I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he fucked my hip out of place.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
