then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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