Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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