dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
