A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
