his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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