I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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