my being single is dangerous.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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