I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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