The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
