I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
