Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
