Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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