Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
