Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
