I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
