U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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