Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
