Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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