12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
