Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
