I heard we made out
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
