so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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